About my notes for my second crit (Tokophobia, 2021)

Tokophobia (2021) is a large pink tentacle made out of unknown fabric extruding from the hole in the wall, as a response to the two large walls in the space.

Notes written during meeting:

• Tokophobia -> Fear of Pregnancy/Unwanted Pregnancy/Birth is a rational fear experience out of parental burden, body autonomy/ownership and the dread of responsibility with something that you are stuck with. (This is more on my understanding on Tokophobia as it applies to the work. Main sources claim that it's a pathological fear, never telling if it's rational or irrational.)

• Use only 1 hole (make a fixable hole that goes around the tentacle, for installation needs).

• Christie Eva (need to read asap).

• Body Autonomy: What even is my body anymore? (Questioning on who owns my body. Myself? My ex? My parents? My partner?)

• Abject, Horrific. (Detachment of the body, familial and strange.)

• Pose Questions! Let the audience answer! (Something that I should do more)

• I'm the first one who actually stuffed something in the hole! :D (Installed work into the hole itself, according to Kurtis).

Upper Left Corner Notes (done before meeting):

• The pornographic as in the unwanted/unseen being witnessed

• Porn, but mainly Hentai:

• Fantasy of rape and mind break (normalization [of assault])

• Otherworldly fantasies (tentacles and monsters)

• Preying upon the innocent or corruption of innocence.

Notes during crit:

• Like Shibori (stitching and gathering up the ties tightly).

• Like a body pillow (comfort and an item that is used [primarily] to cuddle).

• "Can I Touch It?" (A question that I never thought of while making the work, but a good one so thanks Tong! [I personally think that it would be impactful to let people touch it because of the need to touch cute/cuddly objects, only to be repulsed after hearing the title]).

• Pink ooze (that's what the human body really is, right? We're just walking and talking flesh bags with muscle, bones, and organs inside).

• Looks like a body (because it's curled up and pink).

• Korean Summer Sleeping Mat made out of Bamboo (something that's pretty interesting from Penny).

• Pop art intestine (inner body).

• Autonomy of the institution (since it's coming out from the hole in a school wall).

• Subject position, subject to expectations (the tentacle's relationship to us and to the space).

• Puts the pressure on relationships (personal and professional).

• The Edible Woman, Margaret Atwood (should read this).

• The Little Green Monster, short story (I forgot the author's name, but it's online).

• Master and Slave Paradox (how parent's act like masters to the child, but in reality they are slaves to them).

• Queer: unidentifiable, strange and peculiar -> pulling inspiration from queer art histories, the pink, squishy and fluffy object (I have only a brief understanding of queer art history, so this is something that I could also look at in my spare time).

• Needs glossiness? (to be honest? I don't really think so. If it was glossy, I think it would appear too repulsive and wouldn't let the viewer interact with the object comfortably).

• Demanding touch (mainly because it's constructed out of fabric, a nice sweet color associated with cute culture, and resembles a pillow).

• Coming to terms with existence (the creation and purpose of the object).

• Persuasion (persuading subconscious thought onto the viewer).

General thoughts:

Obviously, for this work to reach it's full potential, I need to make it bigger (longer in scale). Keep the ruching since it creates a nice rippley/lumpy texture. I just need to amplify the scale of the work.

It's pretty neat to see how people reacted to the piece before and after they learned about the title. From wanting to cuddle it, to becoming disturbed by it yet never stop looking at the object. Also how it went from the thought of the anti-abortion/pro-life protests (which are currently going on), to how the art institution nurtures us as artists to tossing us into the real world.

Personally, I see it as my rejection of womanhood as most extremists take pride in how a woman is validated because she can give birth to children (which is a very misogynistic view on a human; ignoring a person's views on whether or not they want to have children, or could have children). As well as a fear of responsibility that comes with becoming a parent and taking care of a child that is not entirely my own (and of who owns my body; me or my partner?).